Lucifer's Queen: A Paranormal Romance Read online

  “I wish you could be selfish,” I told him.

  He quietly laughed. “Bela, I already am. I’m not supposed to choose you, my queen, but I am.” He said quietly. “If I could, I would take you to my world in a heartbeat, but it would kill you if I did. It is the only thing stopping me, my little destroyer. I will not lose you.”

  “What is your world like?” I asked him. Even if he were only a figment of my imagination, I could still picture a future with us together. I was already crazy – fucking insane, out of my mind kind of crazy – so there wasn’t any harm in trying to picture something better than this, picture a future with the man my mind had conjured up.

  Or maybe it was all just a dream. I had a bad tendency to dream about him, only to wake up cold and desolate with the voices raging in my mind.

  “For most, it’s hot – burning. It’s hell, my sweet one.” I frowned in confusion. “But our home? It will always be overcast, just as you love it. No sunshine, just perfectly cool days and nights with a slight breeze and the occasional sprinkle of rain. The grass is a rich, green color, just like the color of your beautiful eyes.” I smiled softly. “Our home is an ancient castle with a gothic feel. There is no central heat – only fireplaces in each room because I know how much you love the smell of a burning fire.”

  “Why are you so perfect?” I asked him.

  He brushed his lips with mine. “Because you were made specifically for me. I will forever cherish you, my love, and I will never allow anyone to rip us apart.”

  “But you’re just a figment of my imagination.” My voice broke. I hated how much that fact tore at my heart.

  He sighed. “There’s so much that you don’t understand, my love.” He brushed his lips to mine, and I sighed into his kiss. “I will not leave, Bela. Sleep.”

  That comforting darkness blanketed my mind.

  TWO

  He couldn’t stay forever. Even I knew that. But it didn’t make his disappearance any easier when he did have to leave.

  And unlike every other time that the voices got too loud and pain pulsed through my skull, he wasn’t coming.

  I clutched at my head, hot tears sliding down my cheeks. I felt like more and more voices were joining in my torment each day, and I was helpless to stop it all.

  My own mother and father wouldn’t come near me anymore. After trying to stab my dad at dinner two nights ago, I had been locked away like the monster I truly was. My bedroom door stayed locked from the outside so that I couldn’t get out, and my parents had bars installed over my windows so that I couldn’t escape that way, either.

  I was a prisoner inside of my own home, but it was better this way. At least this way, I was only at risk of hurting myself.

  My parents were even scared to give me food. The only person brave enough to come near me was my brother, and though he always asked to see me, to let him in, I would quickly slam my door back shut once he slid my plate of food through, terrified that if he got any closer to me, he would end up dead.

  I stared at my fingers, suddenly seeing my brother’s blood coated them, staining them red. “No!” I shrieked as I shook my head. I looked up into the mirror, a blood-curdling scream ripping from my lips as my face twisted into a demon’s, my eyes missing, blood pouring from them.

  I stumbled backward, my back slamming roughly into the wall. You are one of us.

  “No!” I wailed. “I’m fine! I’m not a monster!” I cried as I slid down the wall.

  I can prove it to you.

  “No.” I whimpered. “I’m nothing like you.” I sobbed. “Please just go away.”

  Grab a blade. Slice that vein in your wrist. I promise you’ll enjoy the pain. You’re just as fucked up as the rest of us. And then, you can finally come home.

  I squeezed my hands over my ears as if that would stop me from being able to hear the demonic voice inside of my head. “I’m fine.” I whimpered, but even I knew that was a lie. I was far from okay. I’d never been okay. No amount of medicine could help me.

  Ice-cold fingers settled over my left temple, and the voices silenced immediately. I sighed, my body sagging in relief as my tears came harder. I sobbed as I dropped my face into my hands.

  “Make it stop forever,” I begged him as he sat beside me and pulled me into the circle of his arms, holding me as I wailed.

  “I cannot, sweetheart – not yet anyway. You must let your brother near you. He can help you when I can’t reach you, my love.”

  “I’ll hurt him.” I whimpered.

  That icy touch slid over my cheek, smearing the dampness of my tears. “Yes, you will, but he can take it. He is like you, my little destroyer. He is built for the pain that you will inflict on him. But you must let him close, my queen. If you want these voices to quiet down when I’m not here to help, you must let your brother be around.”

  “Sometimes I think it would be better to just kill myself.” I softly admitted.

  A low rumble vibrated around the room, and his icy touch disappeared altogether.

  The voices in my head roared in anger for being momentarily silenced.

  And they laughed at me when I cried for him to come back.

  ✶ ✶ ✶

  When I woke up, I was in a padded room, and my arms were crossed over my chest, preventing me from moving them. Panic rose in my throat, fear making it hard to think rationally.

  “Easy, my little destroyer.” That voice I craved so much whispered.

  I opened my eyes, a sigh leaving my lips as my body sagged in relief. My heart was now pounding for an entirely different reason.

  I had never imagined him. He was real.

  A man, almost seven feet tall, was standing against the padded wall. Black combat boots rested on his feet, and black jeans clung to his thighs, accentuating the muscular legs beneath. A black t-shirt was plastered to the front of his body, hinting at the toned torso hidden under the fabric. His shoulders were broad and covered by a leather jacket.

  Tattoos peaked out from under his jacket, appearing on his hands and fingers. They crawled up his neck from under his shirt.

  Blood-red eyes stared back at me, effortlessly pulling me into him. They were framed by dark lashes. Thick eyebrows rested above his eyes, and one of them quirked up in question as I continued staring at him.

  “You – oh, God,” I whispered.

  His delicious lips tilted up into a smirk. “Not God, my little destroyer. But I am his son – Lucifer.”

  “I’m losing my fucking mind,” I whispered, tears building in my eyes. I had thought he was finally real, only to find out I had somehow imagined the devil himself.

  “No, my love.” He soothed as he pushed off the wall and moved towards me. His massive frame crouched in front of me, and he reached up to cup my cheek. That icy touch that was so familiar to me slid along my skin, soothing me and calming me. “I have always been real. It just wasn’t time for you to see me yet.”

  “What changed?” I asked him as I ran my eyes over his handsome features.

  He suddenly frowned, seeming disturbed by something. “You don’t know, do you?” He finally asked.

  My bottom lip trembled. “Lucifer, what happened?” I asked him, fearful of the answer.

  “Your father was trying to bring you food since your brother wasn’t home,” Lucifer said, his voice soft as he spoke to me. I squeezed my eyes shut, my heart ripping apart in my chest. I sobbed. I already knew what happened without him having to say it. “He didn’t stand a chance, and I couldn’t come to you. Something was blocking me from reaching you.”

  Hot tears slid down my cheeks. Lucifer leaned forward and brushed his lips over my cheeks as I cried. “Your mother had you committed. I’ve been standing watch over you ever since I could get through that fucking barrier.”

  “Is that why I’m being constricted?” I asked him, my voice breaking.

  “Afraid so, my love.” He said quietly.

  My shoulders shook as I cried. “I never meant to – to—"

/>   Lucifer brushed his lips over my forehead. “I know, my love.” He softly spoke. “I know you didn’t. You can’t help the voices in your head. They’re there for a reason.” He informed me, shocking me that he had known this entire time that I wasn’t hallucinating my voices.

  “Why?” I whimpered. “Why can’t I just be fucking normal?”

  Lucifer gently gripped my chin, forcing my eyes up to his. “Because you are meant to be my queen, Bela. I’ve known from the moment you were conceived that I would have a queen, but I did not know who she was or where to find her. For eighteen years, I waited until Father would reveal your identity to me. And even then, I could not get close to you. Not until the demons in your head became clear in their motive to you.”

  “They’re just voices.” I whimpered, not wanting to believe him. I’d rather be hallucinating than to know that it was demons inside of my head.

  “No, my love. They are my demons, but when God has a plan, he can take away some of my control. Which is what he did. It is part of my final punishment. After I gain you as my queen, I can choose redemption and come back to Heaven, but that means leaving you behind in Hell to take my place.”

  “No.” I whimpered, wishing I could touch him. I couldn’t lose him.

  He brushed his lips over my temple. “Easy, my love. I did not say that I would. Since I laid my eyes on you, I have only wanted you. Nothing else matters to me. Father wants me to change my mind badly – I know he does, but he fucked up when he gave me a chance of happiness with you to rule beside me.”

  “Why is it so easy for me to believe that you are who you say you are?” I asked him quietly. “All of this sounds insane and like it’s part of my fucked up mind, though you’re right in front of me – living, breathing flesh.”

  Lucifer closed his eyes. “Cerberus.” He called quietly.

  A humungous three-headed dog appeared. A hissing snake made its tail. I shrieked as I stared at him, fear making my heart pound hard and fast in my chest. Lucifer soothed his icy hand over my hair. “Calm down, my little destroyer. Cerberus is the watchdog of Hell and my loyal companion. There’s no need to be afraid of him. He will never harm you. And if you wish for him to stay, he will. No one in this center will come near you.”

  Cerberus stared at me with three sets of eyes, almost as if he could understand what I was thinking.

  I can.

  The fact that I heard his voice in my head didn’t alarm me. “He is the only voice that I cannot block,” Lucifer explained. “The voices will come back when I am away, but Cerberus can help you while I’m gone.”

  “Will the doctors and nurses be able to see him?” I asked.

  Lucifer nodded. “They will, and just as Cerberus can speak into your mind, he can speak into the mind of other humans as well. As I said, they will not come near you with a single pill or needle. You’re not fucked up, my little destroyer. You are just being molded into my queen. That’s all. No amount of science and medication will be able to help you.”

  “I’m really beginning to think being your queen sucks.” I bit out, suddenly angry.

  Cerberus released a puff of air in what I thought was supposed to be laughter. Lucifer narrowed his eyes at me. “When this is all over, sweet one, and you are no longer suffering, I promise that the only place you will ever wish to be is right by my side.”

  My lord, Gabriel is headed towards the gates. Cerberus suddenly spoke, his words transmitting to me as well, though I knew they were meant for Lucifer.

  Lucifer growled, his eyes momentarily flashing with the fires of Hell before they returned to their normal, blood-red color. He leaned down and brushed his lips over mine, soothing my soul. He removed the straight jacket that I was in and placed his leather jacket over my shoulders. I threaded my arms through the sleeves, sighing in contentment as the smell of burning wood surrounded me.

  Lucifer trailed his fingers over my cheek. “My queen will never be restrained again.” He quietly swore. I leaned my face into his touch. “Cerberus will be here while I am gone, but if the voices are too much for you to bear, simply call my name. I will hear you, my little destroyer, and I will come if I can; I promise.”

  With that, he disappeared.

  ✶ ✶ ✶

  I clutched at my head as I whimpered. The demons inside of my head weren’t stupid. They knew trying to attack Cerberus would only end poorly.

  So, instead, they were attacking my brain with high-pitched screams and the sounds of tortured souls.

  Cerberus whined as he nuzzled one of his heads underneath my arms. I looked down at him as tears streamed down my cheeks. “I won’t call him.” I croaked. “He’s busy.”

  He told you to call him if you couldn’t handle it. Call him, my lady, or I will summon him for you. He will not be pleased with you if I have to.

  “Don’t.” I whimpered as I flinched. “He will come back when he can. He always does.”

  Nothing is separating him from you now. If the pain continues, he will feel it eventually, my lady. Your bond with my lord is growing and strengthening.

  The highest pitched scream I’d ever heard ripped through my skull, feeling like it was splitting it in half. I screamed in pain, my body collapsing to the floor from my bed as I curled into a ball, clutching at my head as if to hold it together.

  “Lucifer!” I screeched, gagging right after when the pain in my head intensified.

  Cold lips soothed over mine almost instantly, and the screaming in my head silenced immediately afterward. Darkness enveloped me in its icy, comforting touch.

  ✶ ✶ ✶

  “Keep them out, Cerberus,” Lucifer growled from behind me, jerking me awake.

  I was on my bed, and my head was resting on Lucifer’s arm, my back plastered to the front of his body. He was spooning me from behind, his other arm draped over my waist. His body temperature was fluctuating between hot and cold, and it felt perfect.

  The door to my room opened, and the nurse screamed when she landed her eyes on Cerberus. Whatever tray she had been holding dropped to the floor as she dashed back out of the room, slamming closed and locking my door behind her.

  Lucifer laughed softly from behind me. “Humans are really such fragile little things.”

  All except my lady, my lord.

  Lucifer’s icy lips pressed to the back of my head. “Ah, yes, all but her – my queen.” He tightened his arm around me. “Good morning, my little destroyer.”

  Cerberus walked over and crouched down so his heads were resting on my mattress. I reached out rubbed one of his heads behind the ear. “Good morning.” I softly replied to Lucifer.

  “Cerberus will be leaving shortly to fetch you some food,” Lucifer informed me.

  My eyebrows pulled together in confusion as I looked at the massive beast in front of me. “How will he accomplish that?”

  Lucifer smiled against my shoulder before he pressed a soft, quick kiss there. “He can shift forms.” Lucifer told me. “However, you’re not ready for that yet.” I sighed in aggravation. I was really sick of that saying. Lucifer tightened his arm around me. “Easy, my love. It is simply—"

  “Not time yet,” I grumbled, interrupting him.

  Lucifer laughed softly. “Cranky in the mornings, aren’t you?” He asked.

  “I’m tired of being kept in the dark,” I complained.

  Lucifer sighed. “All in due time, my queen.”

  I huffed angrily. Lucifer quietly growled in my ear as a warning for me to watch my temper. “Easy, my love. Just because the demons aren’t taunting you doesn’t mean that you still aren’t volatile completely on your own. I’d hate to have to pull rank over you.” I frowned. “Just breathe and know that as soon as I can tell you something about your destiny, I will, but as of right now, I can’t. Even if I tried, the words would be blocked from passing my lips.”

  I turned over to face him and buried my face against his chest. He wrapped both arms around me, holding me tight to him. “Cerberus, breakfast.�
�� He ordered. “Your queen needs to eat.”

  Lucifer held the back of my head to his chest as I heard the snapping of bones from behind me. I gagged at the sound.

  Lucifer brushed his lips to my forehead. “It will become easier with time to hear him shift.” He assured me.

  We were silent for a while, both of us enjoying the other’s company before I spoke again. “Lucifer, how bad will it get?” I asked, a little terrified of the answer, but needing to know anyway.

  Lucifer sighed. “I don’t know, my love.” That answer sounded like it really bothered him. “I wish I did, but I do not know. When it comes to you and what the path is for you to become mine, I am not one hundred percent sure of all the details. I am learning your changes just as you are.”